What abundance means to me

We think we’re chasing money, success, and time—but what we’re really chasing is a feeling. In this week’s reflection, I share what getting sick in the woods taught me about true abundance.

We spend our whole lives chasing money, relationships and things to give us a feeling we think we're missing. We think that once we get X amount of money, then we’ll be happy, safe, comfortable, etc. But we’re not really seeking a thing or an outcome. What we’re seeking is a feeling.

You can list all the things you’d like to have and do if you had all the money you needed and more. But after writing that list, ask yourself: What is it that I’m looking to feel through these things? Let me know in the comments what comes up.

I’ve always wanted more money to have time to do what I love—be in nature, spend time creating, and connect with the people I love. At one point in my life, I had more money than I needed, and yet I didn’t have the space or time to do any of the things I loved.

I’ve been logically trying to figure out the formula to set myself free. I thought investing or working for myself would give me more time to do what I love. But instead, I just kept going in a loop. I’ve been working to invest, pay my debt and survive in this inflationary economy. The more the cost of living inflates, the more I feel like I need to work more or make more money. It’s a never-ending cycle. No wonder we get lost and forget what’s actually important to us.

We all have a unique essence that makes us feel abundance, and it’s not something outside of ourselves and it’s definitely not money.

This week, I started TBM’s Money Challenge. In Week 1: Discover Your Authentic Abundance, I’ve come to realize that what I’ve been looking for in the external world—more money, time, and space—really means I want more clarity, certainty, and peace. When it comes down to those three feelings, I know that nothing in the world could ever truly give me that, at least not permanently. It’s something I have to practice cultivating within me and it’s available to me at all times.

I was lucky enough to spend a couple of days in the woods somewhere in Barryville, NY. My dear friend Sam called me on a Monday and invited me to spend time with her at a cabin she was pet-sitting for the week. It was an immediate yes. I’d been saying how much I wanted to spend more time in nature and be with friends. I went up there thinking I’d probably just stay for the day and then come back, because I felt like I needed to return home as soon as possible.

But of course, things didn’t go according to plan. I got really sick the day of the Sagittarius full moon. I was dealing with a fever all day, my body was achy and I barely had any energy to hold myself together. Even then, I still thought, I need to go home.

Sam, and her boyfriend Ben, offered to make me some soup and give me some holistic remedies Sam conjures from working with plants (check it out here). Their eagerness to take care of me and give me the space I needed made me feel safe enough to stay another day. But I still felt at odds within myself. I was upset that I was sick again and that I couldn’t do anything I wanted to get done. My head was spinning with all the old stories; how I’m never going anywhere in life, I need to do more, same old stories….

What helped me finally surrender was the pain I was feeling in my body. It wanted to be witnessed and felt. I didn’t have the energy to do anything, not even be on my phone. What felt nice was closing my eyes and feeling the sun on my skin. Walking through the woods, smelling the pine trees, listening to the river by our cabin. And whenever I felt another wave of fever coming through, I would just lay in bed, breathe and let the heat wave pass through me.

After a long day of feeling like I was dying, I woke up the next day, went outside, the sun was shining, the weather was great and I thought to myself: This is what abundance feels like.

I didn’t know it then, but I really needed that trip upstate (and the sickness too). I needed to take time off to just relax, be and to see how I’ve been withholding myself from feeling abundance in my daily life. It wasn’t that abundance didn’t exist already. I just wasn’t creating the space to feel it. I wasn’t making room for clarity, peace, or certainty. When we are filling our days with so much to do, there’s no space left to feel or to be present.

During this down time, I started to see the deeper reason why I’ve been afraid to create space for myself: I’m afraid to be with all the stories inside of me because they make me feel things I’m too scared to feel. But I’m learning that feeling my emotions is what actually gets me on the other side where peace and clarity live.

Those days in that cabin in Barryville brought me back to myself. So much clarity, peace, and certainty were cultivated in the stillness. I left understanding that moving forward I need to create more space to feel and be to experience the abundance I’ve been seeking.

To create more space in my life I am committing to saying NO to:

~ Being on my phone in the morning or evening

~ Working more than 5 days a week

~ Thinking and believing I need to do more to feel like I’m progressing

~ Busying my day-to day schedule

And I am saying YES to:

~ More time in nature and in solitude

~ Meditation Practice

~ Taking 2-3 days off a week

I would love to hear what abundance means to you? What is the feeling you are trying to obtain from everything you are wanting from the material world?

A podcast eposide that’s been shifting the way I see and feel about money:

If you would like to check out To Be Magnetic’s Money Challenge you can you use my affiliate code to get 15% off ERIKA5960

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